The "need to flee" could be a sign of mom-burnout, you're not a bad person but you may need some support and to s l o w d o w n .
Have you been having daydreams, or perhaps guilty-imaginings of packing a bag and running away from your children and husband? Maybe even a more morose scene of getting sick or injured and spending a few days/weeks in the hospital being tended to?
These thoughts and scenarios that run through your head could be a sign of mom-burnout. This isn't a diagnosis you'll find in the DSM5, but it's very real and something mom's deal more often than is generally discussed. Here are 3 steps to help with the "need to flee."
Stop Rushing I've found that mom's (specifically in NY where I practice) are rushing e v e r y w h e r e . Where are we rushing to? Do I need to rush to get my kids into the car to take them to the park? To the grocery store? To daycare or camp? Is being 5-15 minutes later than my mental schedule going to be a big deal? The answer 99/100 times is NO. It won't. Being a few minutes late to drop off my kids isn't going cause me to lose my career. Having dinner take fractionally longer isn't going to starve anyone, and certainly I don't need to rush to have my kids get to the park any quicker. Rushing around causes our bodies to go into FLIGHT OR FIGHT mode, we become stressed and unable to handle our normal day to day grind. S L O W D O W N. Remind yourself that you don't need to rush, it will literally only stress you out and will not solve any problems.
Let go of control Now that we've slowed down and can actually catch our breaths it's time to give up some our much prided control. If you're like most millennial mom's you probably seen the SUPERMOM myth all over social media: We can have high flying, c-suite careers, amazing husbands with high powered jobs who praise our every move, we cook, we clean, we know when all the doctors appointments are and attend every soccer game while also receiving praise and admiration at our 50 hour a week job. Sorry to burst our beautiful supermom bubble, but this is NOT REALITY. Please don't be fooled by social media, we cannot do it all and this is why we have our husbands to help us. Now that the bad news is out of the way, the good news: Husband want to help. They don't want to be the dopey-dumb dad from sitcom's, they can change diapers, give baths and do bedtime. Yes, it will probably look different than the way you do it, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Stop micro-managing your husband and let him do something so you can take a break (see number 3!).
Take a break (micro and regular) Congratulations you made it this far! Now that you've let your husband help, it's time for you to take a break. Ideally, this means you can get out of the home, childfree for whatever brings you enjoyment. Hiking, shopping, massage, or lunch with your friends, whatever you want! If you can't get out of the home for a slightly extended time, then you can take micro-breaks. This could be anything from playing some music during your 5 minute shower, bringing a cold beverage to enjoy on your trip to the grocery store or sitting with your still-hot cup of coffee if the kids are playing (mostly quietly) in the other room. The key to a micro break is to recognize that it's still a break. You don't need to stuff more chores into the 5 minutes, or be thinking about your to-list in the shower. Again, slow down and take it for what it is. A break. More will come as our children get older, and remembering that this is all just a phase in life. Easy peasy lemon squeezed right? This will take some practice and that's okay. I don't expect anyone to read one article and feel fixed (though wouldn't that be great?) Share it with your husband, a friend or family member and enlist them to help you remember to slow down, let go of control/ask for help and take a break.
YOU GOT THIS MAMA!
